March 1983:
I sat in one corner. The room was partially lit. I could see through the windows. I looked down through the window and could see the earth. How I was desperate to get down there. Then through the window I saw him coming. As usual he was on the swan. It flew magestically. Across the window. A moment later, he emerged into the room. The swan was left outside. He walked upto me and said.
"Son, Its time for you. Its time to go and enjoy the world."
I looked at him and smiled. I was happy. And a lot at that. Then he continued.
"But I give you 3 options. There are 3 different places where you could be born. You must choose one of them."
I shook my head in agreement as he continued.
"The first one is a farmer family in Hubli. You will go onto become a farmer as well. The next one, you could be born into a Tribe in Waynad. Or finally you could choose to be born in Bangalore"

APril 2008:

Scenario1:
I sit my sprawling bunglow near the farm land. Dad walks into the room and says
"Son, from now on those idiotic salaried class sitting in Bangalore, Madras and Delhi will be paying for the tractor fuel we use."
"Oh wow dad. You're great."
"And yeah I've placed an order for a Chav err Chavee err la Oppatra."
"It was great idea to stop paying those 4 loans we took"
"Yeah and thank god those working people dont vote.Phew"
"Yeah dad and hear that those people have promised free electricity dad."
"Yeah so we can buy our new washing machine and AC too and a new pumpset."
"Oh we must thank those people who took loans and used it for other purpose and finally comitted suicide."
"Hehe "

Scenario2:
I sit outside my new farmhouse in the Porch. Dad walks in and says
"Son, Dont worry"
"Dad I'm still worried about where to join"
"Dont worry son, they say, they'll be opening up the public sector too for reservations."
"Oh great dad. SO I can probably choose Infosys. But they say cut off is 70%, I have only 45"
"Oh dont worry they'll bring down the cut off for us"
"But dad, you've not been to office for a week now."
"Thats no problem, I can go there next week and sign my attendance."
"Great dad. Phew thanx to those people who made us a vote bank."
"And thank god the educated people dont VOTE"

Scenario3:
I sit in my 2BHK crammed up flat and blog. My dad walks in and says "Son, I wish we were not educated."
I come to office and sit here writing this bull shit.
**********************************************************************


Q1: Why did the farmer's commit suicide.
Ans: He took huge loans in the name of buying tractors, pumpsets and for good quality seeds. But he bought low quality seeds, low quality pumpsets and used the remaining money for having huge marriages, booze and all other things. Finally the monsoon was bad and the crops failed. He could not repay the loans. He commits suicide. So what does the government do? Waive off the loans. SO what does the smart farmer do? He stops repaying the loans even if he can. Its waived off. So who loses? The country..

Q2: What about reservations?
Ans: Sigh. Votebank. How many deserving people lose a chance. How many of the truly underprevilaged actually benefit. Imagine a guy with no sense going on to become a surgeon. Oh so people will say, its not just them even the "General" people can be undeserving. Oh definitely, but then he goes no where anyway.

The exact date of this incident is a mystery. But I can say it was some time when I was in high school. So it was some time mid-90s. Ah the location is Kannur in Kerala. I was in my ancestral home and it was a sunday. There were no chicken shops in our village. So I had to go down to a nearby village to get chicken. You can call this place a semi-town with loads of shops, and a B-class movie theatre. And this place was 20 minutes by bus from the house.I went there early in the morning(Yes, 9 'o clock is early). I went down and asked for chicken. I watched with interest as he pulled out a chicken from the cage and put it down on the weighing machine. He then went on to slit its throat. The blood started gushing out and he put it into a metal container for life to fly out. I was listening to the chicken struggle in the container. And then all of a sudden, out of no where, I could feel it. I could feel the pressure. I could feel the pressure in my stomach. I thought I could manage to reach home. Suddenly I was not paying any attention to the chicken. He was finishe with the dressing and gave a packet to me. I paid him and walked back to the bus. All the while the pressure was increasing, increasing and increasing. I sat in the bus controlling. But no I could not. I got out of the bus just as the driver revved up the engine. I started walking on the road looking for a loo. None in sight. My eyes finally fell on the Theatre there. I paced myself to the theatre. I asked the gate keeper to let me in. He was a plesant fellow(thank god). I dashed off to the loo. I relievedmyself and walked out a very very accomplished boy. As I walked off from the theatre my eyes fell on the posters around "Now Showing: Ikkili(Malayalam) RAting:A".. Ok mallus know it.. But for the rest of u, well its a soft porn movie starring the evergreen Shakeela.. LOLzz. I walked out looking around, if anyone was watching me. Finally I walked out of the gates and there he was.. My neighbor staring at me with a wicked smile...
Chicken: 40rs
Bus ticket to home: 3rs
ex-pression on my face: Priceless???

To start off my innings on ILAND, lemme post an experience of mine... I had posted this a few months back on an internal blog...

This was some 2 years ago. I was near MG Road(Bangalore) and was
lokking to get back home. Twas around 7pm. So, I decided to take an
auto..... So....Waved my hand to stop one*I was about to get in*
Autowala: Yellige saar... /*Meaning: Where To?*/
Me: RT Nagar
Autowala: Illa Sir /*No*/
Me: Huh *Gets off and wave at another auto*

Me: RT Nagar
Autowala: 70 rupees hoga sir
Me:*With an irritated look on my face* Yeh Auto ka daam nahi poochaa
Autowala: Nahi saab, 70 rupees.. aana hai to aaao.
Me: Nahi jaana... *Now a more irritated look
*Now 3rd Auto arrives*
Me: RT Nagar
Autowala: 1 and half dena saab..
Me: Arey kyon 1 and half?
Autowala: Vahaan se khaali aana padegaa boss.
Me: Nahi

*4th Auto arrives*
*5th Auto arrives*
*6th, 7th, 8th Autos come and go* *Same story every time
*Finally 9th Auto Arrives.. By this time it was already half an hour after the first auto came*
Me: RT Nagar
Autowala: Saab one and half rupees deneka
Me: Arey kyon yaar, RT Nagar kyaa Mysore mein hai kyaa....
Autowala: one and half nahi to nahi jaayegaa
Me: Ok Chalooo *What the hell???**With me inside, the Auto started moving*
Me: Aap log sab aise kyon ho?
Autowala: bhai saab vahaan se khaali aana padthaa hai *Now I've heard that before*
Me: arey yeh RT Nagar, jangal ke andar nahi hai jee.. *Silence for some time and then we near RT Nagar*
Autowala: Saab RT Nagar mein kidhar?
Me: errrrr.. Police Station ke paas
Autowala: Police Station ke paas, kidhar saab?
Me: Aap chalao mein bataaoongaa...*Keeps on driving till we near the Police station
Autowala: Saab... Straight yah left?
Me: Wahaan *Poiting to the police station
Autowala: *Looks back with a priceless ex-pression on his face* Kahaan saaaaab
Me: Station ke saamne*He stops in fron of the police station.. Meter showed 35 rupees or so.*
Me: Ab kitna loge?
Autowala: Kyaa saab... One and Half bola thaa naa.
Me: Woh to tab bola... Ab kitna bolta hai?
Autowala: Saab 50 rupees diyo saab...
Me: Ek minute andar jaake aata hoon..
Autowala: Saab.. kidhar jaaraha hai saab...
Me: Nahi tumhe 50 chaahiye naa. abhi aayaa *n started walkin into the police station compound*
Autowala:
*Stopping me* Saab aap 35 do saab.. Mein jaata hoon.. *I give him 35
bucks.. n he packs off in full speed.. n must have been cursing me*